FITT #7 by Anne Ishii
It is with great pleasure that I post Anne Ishii's 7th Finger in the Throat Report. She used to post them over at Vertical but now we get to host them here at Grace. --Elizabeth
Finger In The Throat Report #7: The Lovely World of Richi-san, by Allan R. Bosworth. (Harper&Row, NY: 1958)
Come one, come all, down to my digestive system, as I consume this very lovely work of asianica, which I am using to coin a new genre of fiction: Phonetic Asianica, or Phonetica for short.
Phonetica is self-explanatory. It's when a writer chooses to represent his/her characters phonetically. When Yummee from Fan Tan says she likes being pushed around, it reads "I rike-ee beeng pushed alound." When the complimentary hooker in Lost in Translation visits Bill Murray's hotel room, and wants to convey a desire to have her pantyhose ripped off her legs, it reads: "Lip it! Lip my hose!"
Funny? Yes. Relatable? oh, I'm sorry, rerataber? iyessss. Always applopliate? Possibry not.
The Lovely World of Richi-san is crème de la crème when it comes to Phonetica. The entire novel is written either in phonetica, or in romanized Japanese with abundant translation. In other words, za noveru ees litten een phonetica or een roumanizudo japaneezu wissu tappuri no honyaku (abundant translation). So when blessed with such educational fare, I feel too much time spent on the story is a bit of a waste, when we can revel in the diarogue. The rovery rovery diarogue. Nonetheless a synopsis is in order.
Digested bits: The Lovely World of Richi-san is a first-person account of the author Allan Bosworth's years in occupied Japan as a navy-man. He ends up moving into the Asano home, where he's called Papa-san, and he teaches the Asano's English. Richi-san, is the attractive divorced daughter, and the only family member who already knows a little Engrish, which is not to be confused with Bosworth's English. The book is a string of anecdotes revolving around language gaffes.
Bosworth's politics and manner are polite, but in keeping with the Cold War, are also anti-communist and paternalistic. The penultimate chapter on General MacArthur is especially precious. Why don't we dive into regurgitation and have a look at the rovery diarogue?
"What did you family think of MacArthur?" (Bosworth)
The name was magic. O-jii-chan (grandpa) sat straight up and said, "Ha, ha! Makassa!" to show he understood. (Grandpa can also clap his hands without falling!)
"Oh, Papa-san, Makassa verree fine man! Verree kindness to Japanese people!...we understand he's heart. Verree good heart, Papa-san!"
The conversation about MacArthur gets pretty sophisticated, and I almost started stroking my chin in intellectual bemusement, until I read:
The early days (of the Occupation) must have been high and colorful, flushed with victory and purpose…The Marines were landing armed to the teeth and traditionally alert for snipers or kamikaze attack. They moved up the beach toward a crowd of curious Japanese, and an attractive o-josan (he really could just say lady, but nooooo, he has to pull out his fancy-pants japanese) stepped out and called in passable English, "Rieutenant, you want to make rabu? You want jig-jig?" (I don't know what jig-jig is, but I definitely want some.) And the lieutenant, in his best command voice, shouted, "Sergeant, take over!"
Yeah, the US Marines came into the Japanese shore fearing their lives, and got pussy handed to them on a platter. Nice. And as I mentioned earlier, this is Cold War times, so it's not timely without a little jab at Red China:
When and if Red China ever overtakes Japan…with its overpowering weight of millions (the Chinese people are going to come to Japan and sit on them!), then – if China is still Red – may God help us all…
And in case you didn't get it the first time, Bosworth reiterates:
It is very fortunate for us, I think, that the Japanese hate Communism with a passion.
This statement is simply a lie. Read any historian's work on this period, and it is acknowledged across the board that communism was extremely popular in Japan, especially in the provinces, where Bosworth was supposed to have spent a large amount of time.
But I digress. The diarogue! The grorious rovery diarogue!
"What put on, Papa-san? Panties put on?" (Richi-san)
I (Bosworth) smiled. "I think perhaps you mean slacks. I think I told you before – ladies always wear panties. (Uh-uhn, Allan. This lady never wear panties.) Sometimes, for sports events, they wear slacks. (Oh, and when they secretly meet underground to have sex with each other.) In the States some women should never, never wear slacks, on pain of death or divorce. (Judge: What is the reason for your request to divorce your wife? Plaintiff: She fucking wore fucking slacks! Stupid ho.) But most Japanese girls can wear slacks."
"I'm sorree, Papa-san – I'm forget! I'm meaning sracks, not panties." (Me never wear sracks or panties Papa-san!)
My favorite scene is the one I'm about to vomit, when Richi-san explains to Bosworth that a hentai (pervert) recently came through the neighborhood and stole a woman's lingerie that she hung out on to dry.
"Hentai, Papa-san!" she said. "Bad man!"
"Oh," I said. "He will sell the clothes?" (He can't POSSIBLY be this naïve.)
"Not selling to clothes!" she said emphatically. "Hentai!"
I thought the word perhaps meant thief, and looked in the dictionary…(hentai) was defined as "an anomaly; abnormality." (Yes, as in pervert, Papa-san.)
"Ah, so?" I said. "Maybe crazy?"
"Maybe like crazy," Richi-san said. She pronounced it ku-razy. And I had learned another unusual word, under unusual circumstances. (Is he talking about the word "ku-razy" or "hentai"?) But it was not one I could use. (I don't know man. I was close to calling you a hentai with that whole bit about women and panties and slacks, Papa-san.)
What I love about this scene, is Bosworth's feigned ignorance of the concept of a pervert. As if in the States, men, possibly named Tom, had never, oh I don't know, peeped into rooms where woman undressed.
In any case, this hentai doesn't want to bog you down with an over-long FITT report, so I shall end it with Bosworth's invocation of Lafcadio Hearn, the world's first Asian fetishist (and I say that with no judgment. I promise.):
Accepting as partly true the statement that woman everywhere is what man has made her, we might say that this statement is more true of the Japanese woman than of any other…The type could not have been created in any society shaped on modern lines…it has no more in common with the humanity of this 20th century of ours…than has the life depicted upon old Greek vases. Its charm is the charm of a varnished world – a charm strange, alluring, indescribable as the perfume of some flower of which the species became extinct in our Occident before the modern languages were born.
It took a whole fist of manmade women fingers to puke up The Lovely World of Richi-san, and I'm happy to say I've become a charm strange and alluring since. My vomitous perfume comes from a flower that is definitely not extinct, my friend.
--ANNE ISHII
(check back on Fridays for more FITTs!)